Take a Seat

There are certain benefits to being a man that I must admit I enjoy immensely. Hair that requires minimal maintanance (and cost). No monthly visits from Aunt Flo. And, most importantly, the ability to stand and pee. Well, a German company has invented a product to inform men that they must sit while they urinate. Called the WC ghost, the device discreetly fits on the toilet lid and "speaks" to the unsuspecting toilet user a phrase such as (translated from German)

"Hey, stand-peeing is not allowed here and will be punished with fines, so if don't want any trouble, you'd best sit down," one of the devices orders in a voice impersonating the German leader, Chancellor Gerhard Schroder.

What pleasant words to hear when you've just got a second to drain your bladder. Their English-speaking model says in an American drawl: "Don't you go wetting this floor cowboy, you never know who's behind you. So sit down, get your water pistol in the bowl where it belongs. Ha, ha, ha." I'm not sure who is the speaker for that phrase, but that got me thinking; whose wisdom might prompt American men to sit and pee?

Some possibilities:

"In the interest of national security, and to protect our children from the evils of the world, I ask you to support me in this war on standing urination." -- President George Bush

"It's, um, like gross to sit down on toilet seat that is all wet with pee. Like, so, sit down so that I can pee in comfort." -- Jessica Simpson

"Out of respect for the superior sex, stick your man missile between your legs, sit down and tinkle like the women you should be." -- Margaret Cho

"It's so gross to have my hair get wet from pee when I go to throw up in the toilet (especially when Ashley isn't around to hold it back!), so PLEASE sit down out of respect for me! Thanks Peeps!" -- Mary Kate Olsen

I can certainly appreciate a clean toilet seat to sit on, but to demand that men sit and pee is just wrong. The Europeans may be influencing American fashion trends, but I hope the urinal is here to stay. Stand up for your right to pee, Men of America!