Not So Fortunate

Yesterday, for this first time since I started my new job, someone brought in 'sweets' to share with the office. After hearing about the shared goodies, I had thoughts of brownies, Nestle Tollhouse Chocolate Chip Cookies, and cinnamon rolls running though my mind. What did I find in the kitchen? A bowl of fortune cookies, the only edible food product that has a shelf-life that exceeds Twinkies. As I was hungry enough to eat cardboard, I grab one, excited more by the life-changing fortune than the stale, tasteless biscuit.

"You are a person of culture."
Well, thanks for telling me something I already know. How is this a fortune? According to Webster's, a fortune is “a prediction of destiny or fate.” Well, this fortune cookies contains a statement, not a fortune. Stupid fortune writers. They obviously dropped out of school and were forced into child labor at the cookie factory when they reached the age of 10.

Disappointed by that so-called fortune, I took another cookie from the bowl. Did this one help me find direction in my life? Well, if eating is my favorite activity (which, I can't deny it is not), then "You love Chinese food" would be a fair statement to make. Could they have written anything more self-serving and demoralizing that is still NOT a fortune? It's actually brainwashing, telling me that love their product so much, I should come back and buy more. I felt like Ralphie in "A Christmas Story" who was so excited to get his Little Orphan Annie Secret Decoder Ring, only to discover that the message is a crummy commercial for Ovaltine.

If I want to be brainwashed with advertisements, I will watch "The Terminal" again so I know to fly United, shop at Borders and Brookstone, and eat at Baja Fresh.


Best Missed Headline of the Day (thanks, Kim): "Don't Drink the Water"