Lunch with God.

One of my morning rituals (after hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock six times, trying to find two matching socks, and stopping at Jamba Juice for a yummy over-priced smoothie) is to check my Hotmail e-mail account. Even though I check e-mail right before bed, and every 5 minutes during the day, I am convinced that someone will have sent me something very important in the last seven hours. As with any typical day, all my new e-mail was sent to my junk mail folder, meaning none of my contacts felt like writing me at 3 a.m. Since I anxiously await for the day my 8th grade sweetheart will find my email address and write me, I always skim through the junk mail folder (which averages 125 messages a day).

This morning, among the other junk e-mails for cheap Viagra, Hot Teenage Girls, and Mortgage Refinancing (for the home I don't own), I saw the subject line "Lunch with God." Did God finally answer my prayers and agree to meet for lunch? Did he accept my appointment request on Outlook? Before I opened it, I thought to myself, where would I take God for lunch? I'm sure he wouldn't want anything too spicy or garlicky since I am sure his schedule is full of meetings, prayer sessions and divine interventions. Would he be a meat-and-potatoes type of guy (or girl - maybe God is female?) or maybe sushi? Since this could be his/her first trip to Chicago in a while, something local like Giordano's or Portillo's for some Italian beef would be best.

Before I made lunch reservations, I decided to read the e-mail. Much to my disappointment, it was a link to a joke. Not even a funny joke. Something about kids in a park. It's not even worth repeating. And suddenly, I was free for lunch.