Fashionista

One evening this past week, I met up with some friends for a couple of drinks and to listen to some live music. Regardless of the fact we met up after the sun went down, an unnamed friend - let's call him Ben - shows up wearing an Adidas sun visor with obnoxiously large Gucci sunglasses resting on his head, above the visor just enough to see the rhinestone Gucci logo. When I asked why he was wearing such head wear, I was told that it was "the look" he was going for. The look of what? Auditioning for the "Sunglasses at Night" video? Not one, but two absolutely useless, and status-shouting symbols? It was reminiscent of my visit to L.A. in February, when the winter chill had dropped temperature to a sub-arctic 65 degrees, which meant every other women had to dress for "the weather" with knee high boots, 20 feet wool scarves around their necks, and mittens. It's all about the look, right?

Another disturbing fashion trend that has arrived faster than a hurricane into a trailer park are "ponchos" for women. Personally, I always thought of ponchos as something you wear during a rain storm, so I think the term "shawl" should be used. Grandmothers across America are celebrating that their crocheted handiwork has a use aside from collecting dust on bed in a guest bedroom. Apparently, women are so tired of exposing near every part of their body legally allowed (ala Britney Spears and Janet Jackson) that they are now covering up half their bodies with the equivalent of a bed blanket. It's time to put the ponchos back on the bed where they belong.

Other fashion trends that need to stop now:

• Wearing wrist sweatbands (especially just one) when not working out.
• Flip-flops as formal wear.
• Exposed midrifts for those who have a little too much midrift to expose.
• Ties as belts. Ties are for necks, or wrists, if you're into that sorta thing.

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