I would prefer not to ...

Serious Criminals

2004-11-18T16:23:00.000-06:00

As my Dutch co-worker and I were walking back from dinner last night, we saw a police car on the sidewalk, with several policemen speaking to several people on bikes, taking notes. Was it a drug bust? Or a bike accident?

I asked Patrick, "What is going on?"

He replied, "Oh, it must be a light check."

"A light check? What is that?" I responded.

Patrick explained, "The police set up checkpoints on the bike paths and give you a 25 Euro ticket if you don't have a proper, working headlight on your bicycle."

If only bike light checks were the biggest worry for American police officers...

Quote of the Weekend

2004-11-15T09:22:00.000-06:00

"No, we're not taking the highway to Copenhagen" - Said by the pilot of the plane I was on after taxiing for over 20 minutes after leaving the gate.

Best T-Shirt Ever

2004-11-15T09:20:00.000-06:00

Seen at a store in Copenhagen:

667: Because I'm One Step Ahead of the Devil

Ebertesque

2004-11-12T04:41:00.000-06:00

There are two films that open to the masses that week that I highly recommend. I saw both of them as part of the Chicago International Film Festival in October, which presents films from over 40 different countries during for two weeks each year. This was the first year I attended any of the films (I attended the opening night since I won tickets), but highly recommend it to any film buffs out there. And if you think Chicago is devoid of celebrity sightings compared to New York or L.A., the stars come out for this festival, as I stood within 10 feet of both Liam Neeson and Tom Hanks during the festival.

I went to the opening and closing night films this year, and I can't think of two films that are on more opposites of the film spectrum. The opening film for 2004 was Kinsey, a biographical movie about the infamous Indiana University sex researcher. Prior to the movie, I knew a few basic things about Kinsey and the uproar that his ground-breaking research caused in America, but the film shows the professional and personal challenges that Kinsey faced. The movie takes you on a fascinating and dramatic journey of Kinsey's work and life, with Liam Neeson acting in Oscar-like fashion as an intelligent yet conflicted man and the always fabulous Laura Linney as his supportive, though not naive, wife. I highly recommend this film to anyone who is interested in the evolution of sexuality in society, or anyone who enjoys a good story about America in the 1950s.

Prior to Kinsey's published sex research reports, sex was seldomed talked about in America. And despite critics trying to depict him as a person who will "bring down" the moral values in society, he went ahead with his research. After 50 years, it's reassuring to know how far society has come in its acceptance of sexual mores. (Insert cynical grin here)

The closing film was The Polar Express, a technologically amazing holiday tale for kids of all ages. Many of us have grown up reading Chris Van Allsburg's story of anticipation and the Christmas spirit. Director Robert Zemeckis and Tom Hanks, with the use of a new type of animation, create a wonderful film that draws the audience in with both visual excitement and emotion. I could go on and on about the new technology used in the movie, but if you are interested, you can read about it here, or just go and see the movie. It's a movie that I am sure will be remembered for many Christmases to come.

Transitioning from Politics to Celebrity Trash

2004-11-04T06:48:00.000-06:00

Ok, the blog is going to get less political and more fun, I promise.

Did any of you hear about P.Diddy's "Vote or Die" campaign? Well, he enlisted a bunch of celebs to help get today's youth out to vote. Apparently the celebs involved really took the message to heart.

From the New York Daily News: "The early returns from Sean Combs' mega-hyped Citizen Change campaign suggested that reality television star Paris Hilton and rapper 50 Cent - who appeared in eye-catching posters modeling Combs' "VOTE OR DIE!" T-shirts to encourage voting - didn't make it to the polls yesterday. Another star, rapper Ludacris, did mail in an absentee ballot, according to his publicist.

But Lowdown's spot check of voting records in California, New York and Georgia - where Hilton, Curtis Jackson 3rd (aka 50 Cent) and Christopher Bridges (aka Ludacris), respectively, maintain residences - indicated that the three weren't even registered, let alone exercising their constitutional right."

And that, loyal readers, is what is wrong with America.

Front Page of the Day

2004-11-04T06:47:00.000-06:00

Today's Daily Mirror of London

Moral Majority?

2004-11-04T06:42:00.000-06:00

Does anyone else find it ironic that "moral" issues (meaning abortion and gay marriage) were the most important issue to nearly 25 percent of voters (who almost all voted for President Bush) even though those are issues than truly impact less than one person (those who would get abortions and would consider having a gay marriage) of Americans?

Is the preservation of civil liberties a moral issue? Apparently not in 2004 for a majority of Americans.

Post Election .... Waiting

2004-11-03T04:01:00.000-06:00

As of 4 a.m. CST, there is still no official winner of the Presidential election. Bush is winning the popular vote by about 3 million votes, and there are four states without a declared winner (Ohio, Iowa, and New Mexico). At this point, whoever wins Ohio wins the election.

As I predicted yesterday, the election will hinge - and is still hinged - on Ohio. Even though all precincts have been counted in Ohio, there are still several hundred thousand provisional and absentee ballots left to count. Bush is leading in Ohio by nearly 200,000 votes, and seems likely to hold that lead and be re-elected. Stranger things have happened (e.g. Florida 2000), but I am resolved that Bush will get the four more years he wanted.

What happened to Kerry? First of all, I must admit that he performed quite well, winning essentially all of the same states as Gore in 2000, plus New Hampshire. The fact there is not a definitive winner in this election says he was competitive. Why isn't Kerry winning Ohio now? Well, I think the anti-gay marriage constitutional amendment, which was overwhelmingly approved by a 3-2 margin yesterday, played a large factor in Bush's presumed Ohio victory. For as evil as I think that Karl Rove is, his plan to "save" traditional marriage with Bush's endorsement of a constitutional amendment to the referendums placed on 11 state ballots yesterday motivated people to vote. In Ohio, some people who might not have left their homes to vote just for president were motivated to "save" marriage (and outlaw all forms of civil unions in Ohio, too, but that's a whole other discussion) and cast a vote for Bush at the same time. James Bones, columnist for The Times in London, shares similar opinions.

The high voter turnout didn't help Kerry as most political pundits anticipated.

A clear Republican majority in both chambers of Congress and in The White House will create a interesting, possibly scary four years. If Bush continues on the same path he has been on for the last two years, there will be a Democrat elected in 2008. Whether or not it's Hillary Clinton is the $64,000 question ...

The Election According to This John

2004-11-02T02:19:00.000-06:00

Today is the culmination of 18 months of verbal harrassment, mudslinging and old-fashioned bribing by the both (face it, there are only two choices) campaigns for President.

Most pollsters and pundits think it will be a close race today. I do not - well, not a razor thin margin. In fact, based on the electoral college, I think Kerry will win with a clear majority of the votes. I base my conclusion on three factors:

1. Many Bush supporters in 2000 are now supporting and voting for Kerry. Not only do I find this to be a common theme among friends, but I think the newspaper endorsements (or lack there of in some cases) send a clear message that people who previously supported Bush four years ago will be voting for Kerry today. Editor and Publisher magazine has a great summary of newspaper endorsements.

2. The huge number of new voter registrations, including those in the minority and poor communities. If these people vote today, Kerry will win the vote.

3. The cell phone factor: Pollseters only call registered voters/likely voters who have a home phone number listed when taking these widely broadcast polls. Statistics show that nearly 5% of Americans do not have a home landline, but use their cell phone as their only phone. Who are these people without a home phone? Usually young people (between 18 and 29), who statistically are more liberal and will vote Democratic.

As of midnight, Tuesday, November 2nd, here is what I see unfolding today:

The election hinges on six states: Florida, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Iowa, New Mexico and New Hampshire. Whichever candidate wins most of those states will win the election. Before those states, I put the electoral vote at 227 for Bush, 227 for Kerry, with the remaining 84 votes to decided by those six states:

Florida goes to Bush, by a slim margin. His brother is governor, so even if Bush doesn't win the actual vote, I'm sure he'll still get all the electoral votes somehow. 254 Bush, 227 Kerry.

Iowa and New Mexico go to Kerry. 254 Bush, 239 Kerry.

New Hampshire goes to Bush. 258 Bush, 239 Kerry.

Pennsylvania, with the very Democratic Philly and Pittsburgh areas, will go to Kerry. 258 Bush, 260 Kerry.

So, as predicted, it all comes down to my home state - Ohio. And rightly so. Ohio has been hurt by economy more than any other state, and I think that today's election will reflect that sentiment. Kerry will win Ohio by 2 percent of the vote, giving him the Presidency with 280 electoral votes, compared to Bush's 258.

That's what I think, and I will reflect on my prediction tonight - at which time we will hopefully have a definitive winner in the race.

If you as much as a political junky as I am, here are two great websites that have created statistical models based on the polling numbers.

http://election.princeton.edu/

http://www.electoral-vote.com

Best use of an over-used phrase

2004-11-01T05:27:00.000-06:00

Seen on an poster for soon-to-be-released Oceans 12:

Twelve is the new Eleven.

Would we care?

2004-11-01T03:47:00.000-06:00

On my flight over to Amsterdam last night, I sat next to a Dutch women who is a journalist for a Dutch weekly news maganize (the equivalent of Time or Newsweek in The Netherlands). She and 10 colleagues were returning from a week-long tour of the United States to write all about the presidential election. They saw George Bush speak in Ohio, were in D.C. to meet some Congressmen, interviewed Barrack Obama in Chicago - all so they could report about the election process in the U.S. to their Dutch readers.

Would a U.S. news magazine even report that The Netherlands was having an election, much less send a team of reporters to cover it? Obviously, the United States is over 10 times the size of The Netherlands and has a much larger role in world affairs. This is my fourth trip to The Netherlands this year and I have no idea who is the Prime Minister, yet every Dutch person I have spoken to about the election clearly knows who Bush and Kerry are.

Best Beer Ever

2004-10-31T21:23:00.000-06:00

Well, maybe not, but after a long flight to Europe and missing out on the usual Halloween shenanigans, this special Heineken brew was just what I needed. Each autumn, Heineken brews a special bock beer, Heineken Tarwebok, with a dark reddish brown color sweet cinnamon-chocolate aroma. It was very smooth - one of the finest beers I have tasted in a long time.

Maybe it was the 6.5% alcohol content, but I felt great after two bottles of Tarwebok. And, like all Dutch beers, it is served in it's own special Tarwebok glass. The only disturbing news - it's not imported to the U.S. as of yet.

Strange Coincidence

2004-10-31T18:33:00.000-06:00

I needed to contact our Accounting Manager in the U.K. to answer a question for a project at work. I look up her position in our company's online directory and I find the following name:

Kerry Edwards, U.K. Accounting Manger

I can't make this stuff up. And that is exactly how her name is spelled.

Blogging, Revisited

2004-10-31T14:10:00.000-06:00

Hello, again. Sorry for the five week (yikes!) absence from the world of blogging. To be honest, I have been spending way too much time reading other people's blogs for the past month and got myself so wrapped up with every little detail of the upcoming presidential election that I felt that whatever I needed to say had been said already.

Now that election day is finally here, and the political pundits can hopefully return to their cold, dark caves for another four years, I will return to daily updates of the blog. I appreciate the kind e-mails about missing updates from the blog. Here's a sample from the Inbox:

"Please write something on your blog or you will make me actually work during the day."

"Blogging is the new not blogging. Get writing."

"It's not like you have anything better to do, damnit John."

"Vos marques d'écriture ma vie complète. Veuillez écrire plus."

I hear my people! I am back!

Targe'

2004-10-30T15:16:00.000-05:00

Target opened a new cool, new two-story store in the South Loop of Chicago a few weeks ago. Aside from being the closest store to downtown, it is the first Target within one block of an L station. Since Target is no longer really called Target, I thought the store needed its own name, so I came up with the simple Tarsloop to call the store. I didn't want it to be confused with the Targhetto store on Elston.

What about other Targe' names?

Tarjew: The Target in Skokie (Thanks to Kim).
Targit: The Target in a predominantly African-American neighborhood.
Tarheel: Any Target in North Carolina.

Any other suggestions?

Seen at Six Flags

2004-10-26T22:07:00.000-05:00

A teenage girl, wearing a pink t-shirt with the following phrase:

Udaho, Not Idaho

America is a great country.

The Wiggles

2004-09-22T16:50:00.000-05:00

Last Friday, two friends and I ventured to the western suburbs to explore Chicagoland's first outpost of Fry's, a California based electronics superstore. It's huge - over 150,000 square feet I believe. To be honest, I wasn't that impressed, since it had most of the same stuff at Best Buy, at the same prices, but with lots of useless crap as well.

As we are on our way out, I see this obnoxious, Volkswagen Bettle-like pastic toy car. Upon closer inspections, I see that four men are stuffed into this small car -- looking a bit too happy to be in such tight quarters -- with big smiles on their faces. Here is a picture of this toy, call the Big Red Car. I pick it up, reading that the four men are known as The Wiggles, which I have come to find out is an children's sing-along group. Sorta like a real-life Teletubbies, I guess. And just about the gayest thing I have ever seen.

The New August

2004-09-22T15:34:00.000-05:00

After nearly three weeks of absolutely beautiful weather in Chicago, I propose that September is the new August. September is the most underrated month in Chicago, even though the city decides to close the beaches on Labor Day. I wouldn't be surprised if the average daily high temperature is higher in September this year than in August.

Here are some other "new" things I have overheard lately:

Wednesday is the new Thursday (overheard from current DePauw students talking about the 'new' bar night)
40 is new the 30. (overheard from a 40-something trying to justify his Abercrombie-obsessed lifestyle).
Florida is the new Kansas (overheard from a weatherman talking about the recent bad luck Florida has had with natural disasters ... yet Kansas has missed tornadoes in the last few years).
Fat is the new thin. (overheard talking to myself every morning when I look in the mirror).

Any other suggestions? Please comment!

O-blogatory Apology

2004-09-22T14:16:00.000-05:00

Yes, I recognize there have not been updates to the blog in over a week. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I have not been able to update the blog. Here are some of those circumstances:

Golden Girls marathon on Lifetime this past weekend.
My computer caught a cyber-STD from all the pornography that it has downloaded.
Extended mourning period after the death of Julia Child.
Busy traveling back and forth from L.A. for the Britney Spears wedding.
Staying up late at Kinko's trying to replicate old military records.
Designing my future child's bedroom at The Land of Nod. (Thanks Dustin for showing me the Stupid Pet Tricks Mobile. That will be perfect.)

Thanks for reading. I hope to have more regular updates in the near future.

Homeland Security

2004-09-14T10:21:00.000-05:00

For the past two days, my normal 10 minute commute to work has taken 20-30 minutes on the L. Yesterday, the train operator announced there was an "emergency" at the Merchandise Mart station. Well, this morning, the train operator announced that the "Chicago Police are conducting security searches of every train entering the Merchandise Mart station to protect the city from terrorist activities. These random searches will continue on the Brown Line every morning this week."

How random are searches if they are announced for rest of the week? They are six other CTA L lines that run into the Loop, not to mention another 12 Metra commuter rail lines. And, why the Brown Line? Isn't one of the CTA lines that runs underground more of a threat for terrorist activities than an above-ground line? The Brown Line seems quite ripe for terrorism, too. All the trixies in Lincoln Park. Gays in Lakeview. Families in Lincoln Square and Ravenswood. Frankly, I would argue that the Brown Line is generally the "safest" L line. But I am probably fooling myself in this time of elevated terror threats.

According to an article in this morning's Sun-Times, the train searches will continue indefinitely. And the delay should be minimal -- "3 to 5 minutes." Unfortunately, 3 to 5 minutes PER train for each search means that EVERY train will be delayed for that amount of time, and the delays become cumulative - which explains my extra-long commute.

Isn't it a bit ironic that the same day the Bush Administration allowed the ban on semi-automatic guns (AK-47s and the like) expire, the random security searches on Chicago public transit?

Sexual Harassment is in the CTA

2004-09-10T13:05:00.000-05:00

As a recently hired employee, I am required to attend a "Sexual Harassment" training course so that I know the different between a good touch and bad touch. My training was scheduled for today, so I head over to the conference room listed in the training notification email, open the door to the windowless conference room, and interrupt what appears to be a important meeting with about 30 people in suits, all staring at me.

Red-faced, I walk over to HR and ask where the Sexual Harassment class is located. They tell me "It's in the CTA." Instead of naming confernce with non-descript names like 17-K, our company uses Chicago landmarks, such as Buckingham Fountain, the Bulls, and the CTA. As I walk past the room where I initially thought our class was held, I notice someone had posted a sign "Sexual Harassment is in the CTA." I'm sure that would be a great advertising slogan for our transit authority.

And what did I learn in our training?

You can ask a co-worker out, if they don't report to you, or you don't think they will feel uncomfortable by you asking them out.
Talking about the size of women's breasts or how hung guys are is not appropriate water cooler discussion topics, not matter what you did last night.
Strip Clubs are not appropriate places for business meetings, even if you invite both sexes and say "I understand if you don't want to come."
Our company policy prohibits "intentional touching of the intimate areas of another person." If the touch is unintentional (e.g. because of an alcohol induced state), it's okay.

Please let me know if you have any questions. I will be more than happy to determine if any pictures you receive via forwards are sexually inappropriate or not.

You know you live in a yuppie neighborhood when ...

2004-09-09T09:37:00.000-05:00

the Taco Bell/Pizza Hut snack bar in your Target store is being converted into a Starbucks.

The Target Store (aka Targhetto) on Elston, rumored to be the busiest Target store in the country, is eliminating the Italian/Mexican fast food haven for the gentle earth tones and arabican aroma of a Starbucks coffee shop. I guess this means no more Gorditas while shopping for toilet paper and laundry detergent. Instead, shopppers will be sipping Grande non-fat Vanilla Latte while stolling the aisles for Issac Mizrahi ponchos and Michael Graves kitchen utensils.

Our President, The Linguist

2004-09-08T11:16:00.000-05:00

As the presidential election approaches, both Senator Kerry and President Bush are madly campaigning to persuade the estimated five percent of the voting American public who are undecided on their choice for president.

On Monday, during a campaign speech in Missouri, President Bush made the following statement:

"Too many good docs are getting out of business," Bush said. "Too many OB-GYNS aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."

First off, what the hell was he trying to say? Practice their love with women? OB-GYNS? Is President Bush a dirty pervert? Obviously, Karl Rove and his cronnies need to inform George to NEVER deviate from the teleprompter and/or written speeches. He clearly has no idea what he is saying...

There is no such thing as bad PR

2004-09-03T16:36:00.000-05:00

Reality television shows are the new sitcom; it seems that half of the major network's schedules now involve 'real people' trying to find a spouse, being tempting to cheat on their actual spouse, or eating the intestines of a farm animal. I admit, there have been some of these shows that I have watched religiously, but mostly so I can carry on a conversation at the water cooler (especially since football is too confusing for me).

My alma mater, DePauw University in scenic Greencastle, Indiana (scenic meaning miles of farmland, trailer parks and loud pick-up trucks), was selected by NBC as the site of a new reality television show. What an honor, I thought! All the places where I sewed my wild oats (mostly involving large quantities of alcohol) would be broadcast for the whole nation to see! But no, the administration of DePauw, decided not to host the reality TV show! And what would have been the premise - a celebrity would enroll and crew could track his comings and goings a la Anna Nicole Smith. And who was this celeb? Tommy Lee, of both Motley Crue AND Pamela Anderson fame. I am sure Tommy would have enjoyed kickin' it on the porch the SAE house. And I bet he would have been a Comm major.

DePauw gave no justification for their decision not to host the show. Sure, there could be some negative exposure for the University - the fact that everyone but one person drinks, the sorority hazing rituals, and boulder runs, but you can't pay for national network TV exposure. In fact, I am sure every high school student in America would want to attend DePauw after seeing an episode of this planned show. But nope. DePauw remains a school with an identity crisis. Thanks, DePaul.

Blonde Ambition

2004-08-31T07:51:00.000-05:00

As I was on the train home from work yesterday, I resumed my usual habit of people watching on the CTA's yuppified Brown Line. I decided to focus on reading materials today - what are Chicagoians reading? There's the usual Davinci Code, an intriguing book titled Unanswered Questions, and the presumably work-related Advanced Table Creation in an Oracle Environment.

The woman, sitting next to me, however, had the most interesting reading material on the train. She was a pretty, blonde lady, no more than 30 years old, single (so I assume from the lack of a wedding ring), and had a blank page of a notebook open when I first saw her. Over the next five minutes, she proceeded to fill the page with her 'goals'. In order, here they are:

1. Find a new job outside of the financial services industry that pays at least 25% more than I make now.
2. Decide on family plans.
3. Purchase more real estate.
4. Decide if I want a career in real estate or design.
5. Firm up retirement plans.
6. Write a will.

Hey, I am a proponent of dreaming big and setting high expectation for yourself, but can she reasonable expect to accomplish those things this week, much less this month?

I wish her good luck. Just remember to include me in your will, lady.

DMB DNA

2004-08-31T07:27:00.000-05:00

The kind people of the Dave Matthews band have offered their DNA to confirm whether or not their excrement was unloaded upon hundreds of unsuspecting Chicago boat riders below. While I think it's noble of Mr. Matthews to share his DNA to determine whether or not his bus driver did this dirtiest of deeds, is he really going to poop in a cup?

Now, some people have bad jobs (garbage man, mortician, etc.), but Poop DNA inspector has to be the lowest of low. How awful is your life if your scrap poop off of someone's soiled jacket to see if it matches some other poop sample?

In honor of Poopgate, I suggest that DMB re-release new versions of previously released songs:

-One Sweet Smell
-Don't Drink the Urine
-Crap Onto Me
-#2
-So Much to Dump
-Drive Over, Dump Out
-Chunkiest Monkey

TSA vs. Dorothy Zbornak

2004-08-26T08:17:00.000-05:00

Airport Security. It's always a fun topic of discussion, since the government takeover of airport security has resulted in confiscation of everything from shaving razors to zebra-striped vibrators, and every other "weapon-like" device known to man. Well, apparently my dear friend, Bea Arthur -- you know, Dorothy Zbornak from the funniest TV show ever aired "Golden Girls" -- has had enough of these airport shenanigans. According to this article, Bea wasn't too happy when the TSA workers found a small pocket knife in her bag, and told them that "terrorists" placed it there. You go, funny lady! If only Rose was behind her in line, because I am sure they would have loved to hear about how the farmers "protected" the cows back in St. Olaf.

And by the way, Bea, you really shouldn't wear that much make-up.

Souvenirs

2004-08-24T09:12:00.000-05:00

I didn't do much shopping in France but I did find this t-shirt.

Also - I realize the pictures in the post below may not be working. I will try to fix them soon ... Sorry and thanks for reading.

My own Davinci Code

2004-08-23T08:11:00.000-05:00

As part of my continued European exploits, I made my first visit to The Louvre in Paris. For those of you unfamiliar with The Louvre (which means you have lived in a cave for the last 400 years), it is the largest art museum in the world. It's enormous; I read that it is over 3 miles to walk around the entire museum. That being said, it is impossible to view the entire museum in one day, or even one week.

Since I know I couldn't see the entire museum (though it would be fun to run through the gallery, keeping score of how many unsuspecting children I could knock down along the way), I decided to see the important stuff - which really means Davinci's Mona Lisa.

The people at The Louvre must realize that most people just want to see Mona Lisa, and get the hell outta there (especially American tourists). To help people accomplish that with great difficulty, they placed the popular artwork on a wall in a distant room on the third floor of one of the halls. Yes, they force everyone to walk past thousands of works of arts (half of which depicts Jesus in some aspect - those Italians really weren't creative in their subjects).

Fortunately, a picture of Mona Lisa appears on just about every directional sign in the museum, so if you can see, you can find that. (Sorry, blind people.) After walking through 10 different rooms, five staircases, I finally saw a long line of people, cameras in hand, waiting to see Mona.

One would think that the largest art museum in the world could find a separate room to put in the most viewed piece of art in? Nope. Mona List is in a 'regular' room at the museum, along with 200 other paintings, most of which are 2 to 3 times the size of the rather small Davinci painting. And, despite the fact there are over 25 signs that show a camera with a line through it, (the universal 'NO' sign, supposedly), people insisted on taking flash photography of the aging lady, over the screams of "Pas de Photographie!" from the helpless security personnel.

The painting itself, is well, rather unimpressive, at least for all the hype it receives. Honestly, I was disappointed. It's small, not very colorful, and expressionless (Yes, I know that's what it's known for. Duh.).

After waiting in line for 20 minutes for my 10 second glimpse of Mona Lisa, I really didn't know what else to see in the The Louvre... sure, there's lots of great art, but after viewing 2,407 recreations of the crucifixion of Jesus, do I really want to see another painting of it? Without direction, I did what any other person would do - I latched onto a tour group. Of Japanese people, you know, the ones that always huddle together, but are still lead by someone who insists on hold a flag or some stuffed animal on a stick just so you know where to follow? I might not look Japanese, but I figure they would probably stop by all the important stuff, right?

Our ever-so helpful tour guide, Satu Ishikawa, pointing out the headless, armless, female scuplture.

I don't even think they noticed when I joined their group - there were just so many of them, even though I was nearly 6 inches taller than the tallest one. It was fun, I didn't understand a thing, but I got to see the "best of" The Louvre.

The Louvre has beautiful painted ceilings. Here's Sakikama taking a picture of it. I was too busy taking this picture that I forgot to get a picture of the actual ceiling. Oh well.

Take a Seat

2004-08-18T23:30:00.000-05:00

There are certain benefits to being a man that I must admit I enjoy immensely. Hair that requires minimal maintanance (and cost). No monthly visits from Aunt Flo. And, most importantly, the ability to stand and pee. Well, a German company has invented a product to inform men that they must sit while they urinate. Called the WC ghost, the device discreetly fits on the toilet lid and "speaks" to the unsuspecting toilet user a phrase such as (translated from German)

"Hey, stand-peeing is not allowed here and will be punished with fines, so if don't want any trouble, you'd best sit down," one of the devices orders in a voice impersonating the German leader, Chancellor Gerhard Schroder.

What pleasant words to hear when you've just got a second to drain your bladder. Their English-speaking model says in an American drawl: "Don't you go wetting this floor cowboy, you never know who's behind you. So sit down, get your water pistol in the bowl where it belongs. Ha, ha, ha." I'm not sure who is the speaker for that phrase, but that got me thinking; whose wisdom might prompt American men to sit and pee?

Some possibilities:

"In the interest of national security, and to protect our children from the evils of the world, I ask you to support me in this war on standing urination." -- President George Bush

"It's, um, like gross to sit down on toilet seat that is all wet with pee. Like, so, sit down so that I can pee in comfort." -- Jessica Simpson

"Out of respect for the superior sex, stick your man missile between your legs, sit down and tinkle like the women you should be." -- Margaret Cho

"It's so gross to have my hair get wet from pee when I go to throw up in the toilet (especially when Ashley isn't around to hold it back!), so PLEASE sit down out of respect for me! Thanks Peeps!" -- Mary Kate Olsen

I can certainly appreciate a clean toilet seat to sit on, but to demand that men sit and pee is just wrong. The Europeans may be influencing American fashion trends, but I hope the urinal is here to stay. Stand up for your right to pee, Men of America!

Together Again

2004-08-17T06:43:00.000-05:00

After almost 48 hours of separation, my luggage and I are reunited. The reunification took place uneventfully in the hotel lobby last night. As happy I was to receive my bag (well, its contents, such as clean underwear, more specifically), there were still many unanswered questions. Why would he do this to me? Did I say something wrong before the trip? Did I pack him too full, and this was sweet revenge -- to make me wear the same clothes for nearly three days? We were up late discussing his antics, making me envious of his London adventures and even spending enough time in Amsterdam to find a coffee shop (even though I know he hates the taste of coffee) , while I was slaving away at work, smelling about as good as month-old rotten eggs. I'm glad to report that despite spending the night in the closet, we are back on good terms again, though I threatened never to travel with him again.

Hilton Honors

Taking cues from Britney Spears, Nicky Hilton pulled the trigger on the shotgun and married some guy in Vegas this weekend, as her older sister watched with alcohol-induced jubilation. Whatever. I've got nothing else to say.

Juror No. 10, Female, 50, Talk-Show Host, from Chicago

I've got to give Oprah credit for actually showing up for jury duty instead of using some lame excuse (photo shoot for the cover of O Magazine) to get out of her civic duty. It does seem a bit surprising that neither the defense nor prosecution excused her from the trial, given her status. Even more surprising to me is that she actually ate the food in the cafeteria at the Cook County Courthouse. I reported there for jury duty last year, and I wouldn't touch that crap they serve there. I wonder if she called Bob Greene to see if he approved of her lunch selections ...

Speaking of clothes ...

2004-08-15T12:33:00.000-05:00

Who really needs them? At least that's what United Airlines decided for me. I arrived in The Netherlands for a couple weeks for work this morning, though United decided that my clothes would prefer to spend some time in London, as opposed to joining me on my flight last night from Chicago to Amsterdam. While I haven't received my bag yet as of Sunday evening, I feel very confident that I will receive it as the friendly United baggage person told me that my bag was likely somewhere in London's Heathrow Airport. Or possibly on a flight to Amsterdam. But they weren't sure. And since it has distinguishing characteristics, like being a black roller bag, I'm sure it will be easy to locate. I'm now hitting the 36 hour mark of wearing the same clothes, anticipating I will be wearing the same dirty jeans and sweaty polo shirt to work tomorrow. Where's Febreze when you need it?

Maybe I should just go to London and try to find my bag at Heathrow. That would be a fun game - trying to locate a black bag in one of the world's largest airports? It would probably be as easy finding your Jetta that is parked somewhere in Lincoln Park... thousands of possibilities!

Fashionista

2004-08-14T13:33:00.000-05:00

One evening this past week, I met up with some friends for a couple of drinks and to listen to some live music. Regardless of the fact we met up after the sun went down, an unnamed friend - let's call him Ben - shows up wearing an Adidas sun visor with obnoxiously large Gucci sunglasses resting on his head, above the visor just enough to see the rhinestone Gucci logo. When I asked why he was wearing such head wear, I was told that it was "the look" he was going for. The look of what? Auditioning for the "Sunglasses at Night" video? Not one, but two absolutely useless, and status-shouting symbols? It was reminiscent of my visit to L.A. in February, when the winter chill had dropped temperature to a sub-arctic 65 degrees, which meant every other women had to dress for "the weather" with knee high boots, 20 feet wool scarves around their necks, and mittens. It's all about the look, right?

Another disturbing fashion trend that has arrived faster than a hurricane into a trailer park are "ponchos" for women. Personally, I always thought of ponchos as something you wear during a rain storm, so I think the term "shawl" should be used. Grandmothers across America are celebrating that their crocheted handiwork has a use aside from collecting dust on bed in a guest bedroom. Apparently, women are so tired of exposing near every part of their body legally allowed (ala Britney Spears and Janet Jackson) that they are now covering up half their bodies with the equivalent of a bed blanket. It's time to put the ponchos back on the bed where they belong.

Other fashion trends that need to stop now:

Wearing wrist sweatbands (especially just one) when not working out.
Flip-flops as formal wear.
Exposed midrifts for those who have a little too much midrift to expose.
Ties as belts. Ties are for necks, or wrists, if you're into that sorta thing.

Election Fun: Who wants Moore Bush?

Not So Fortunate

2004-08-11T09:47:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, for this first time since I started my new job, someone brought in 'sweets' to share with the office. After hearing about the shared goodies, I had thoughts of brownies, Nestle Tollhouse Chocolate Chip Cookies, and cinnamon rolls running though my mind. What did I find in the kitchen? A bowl of fortune cookies, the only edible food product that has a shelf-life that exceeds Twinkies. As I was hungry enough to eat cardboard, I grab one, excited more by the life-changing fortune than the stale, tasteless biscuit.

"You are a person of culture."
Well, thanks for telling me something I already know. How is this a fortune? According to Webster's, a fortune is “a prediction of destiny or fate.” Well, this fortune cookies contains a statement, not a fortune. Stupid fortune writers. They obviously dropped out of school and were forced into child labor at the cookie factory when they reached the age of 10.

Disappointed by that so-called fortune, I took another cookie from the bowl. Did this one help me find direction in my life? Well, if eating is my favorite activity (which, I can't deny it is not), then "You love Chinese food" would be a fair statement to make. Could they have written anything more self-serving and demoralizing that is still NOT a fortune? It's actually brainwashing, telling me that love their product so much, I should come back and buy more. I felt like Ralphie in "A Christmas Story" who was so excited to get his Little Orphan Annie Secret Decoder Ring, only to discover that the message is a crummy commercial for Ovaltine.

If I want to be brainwashed with advertisements, I will watch "The Terminal" again so I know to fly United, shop at Borders and Brookstone, and eat at Baja Fresh.

Best Missed Headline of the Day (thanks, Kim): "Don't Drink the Water"

A Taste of Chicago

2004-08-09T13:14:00.000-05:00

Buses must be the hot topic today. First the train-shutdown that sent me a on a bus today, now I hear about the warm welcome to Chicago that some tourists (and a handful of city-dwellers and suburbanites) received on Saturday afternoon. I have always wondered why the lift bridges over the Chicago River had open slots. Now I know - tourist elimination. I am sure that tourism in Chicago will skyrocket when these people return home to Evansville, Indiana or Cedar Rapids, Iowa and tell all the folks how they got human waste dumped on them while visiting the big city.

Speaking of tourists, have you ever noticed that people usually say that all the great shopping is one of the reasons they visit Chicago? Where do 90% of these people shop? The Gap on Michigan Avenue, Abercrombie in Water Tower Place and Borders on State Street. You know, the exact same stores that are in your typical American mall, but with a 2-3% higher sales tax rate. Stay home, buy the same damn clothes, and stop walking down the street 6 across on the sidewalk at the same speed as a '74 Ford Pinto low on gas, blocking me from getting somewhere I really need to go.

Eternal Love, an Open Bar and a Train to Nowhere

2004-08-09T11:15:00.000-05:00

I spent my weekend in the land of cheese and porn (aka Wisconsin) for a college friend's wedding. Overall, it was an elegant event, with all the bells and whistles (like passed hors d'oevres) that say "we spent a lot of damn money on this thing, so you better get us an expensive gift," straight from the bride's (parents) heart. At the risk of losing another friendship, I will provide color commentary on the day's events.

Of all the bridesmaids dresses in the world, did the bride have to select dresses that looked like a yard of fabric wrapped around each woman, like a seaweed-wrapped piece of sushi? They were about as flattering as Whoppi Goldberg's nun outfit in Sister Act.
Catholic weddings are great because you can show up 15 minutes late (who knew that Saturday afternoon traffic would be worse than Friday afternoon rush hour?) and not miss a beat since there is still another hour left to read some more prayers, light some more candles and drink some more wine (only if you're Catholic, that is).
Jazz bands are great at a jazz club. Jazz bands that play songs from the 1930's and 1940's that no one under the age of 75 recognize aren't fun at weddings. Especially when there is an open bar and people actually want to "dance." And the guests are taking full advantage of the open bar.
My friend Ashli decided to bring her boyfriend to the wedding. He's a fun guy, though his repeated grabbing of my ass during the reception (and at the bar afterwards) made me wonder whose bed he really wanted to sleep in.

It's Monday morning. There's no better way to start to a week off than with no train service. I have a great commute - 10 minutes via the L. I live two miles from my office, so I could walk there in 30 minutes if I needed to. The Brown Line was shut down this morning, sending throngs of yuppies and trixies and guppies onto .... CTA buses! What should have been a 10 minute commute turned into a 45 minute lesson in urban diversity, with the scents of Ralph Lauren and Clinque mixing with Fubu and Jean Nate to create an aroma that could cause small children to pass out. Happy Monday.

Whatever happened to playing catch?

2004-08-07T11:09:00.000-05:00

Conversation between friends:

Ben: "Life is so boring here in California, Matt."
Matt: "Totally, dude. There's nothing to do."
Ben: "Playing video games used to be fun, but we beat them all. What should we do today?"
Matt: "Dunno. I was just watching the news ... that war in Iraq is crazy stuff."
Ben: "Yeah, man. People getting blow up in cars, getting their heads chopped off..."
Matt: "Hey, that gives me an idea...."

Comments on the beheading story:
1. This makes American Funniest Home Videos seem like good, clean fun.
2. Video cameras are way too cheap.
3. If a photographer is coming over to take pictures, PLEASE put some clothes on or at least perform some basic manscaping. Thanks.

Super Freak

2004-08-07T11:04:00.000-05:00

On the very same page in the Tribune, the "Look Ahead" column lists the upcoming concert for Rick James scheduled for September 18th. I would place money on the fact that this show will be super cancelled.

Fresher than Fresh.

2004-08-07T10:30:00.000-05:00

Living in a big city like Chicago, there are a plethora of activities to fill a weekend. The challenge is usually deciding which street festival, concert, play or bar to attend. To keep myself informed of all these events, I generally read the Friday section of Chicago Tribune; the Planner generally has a worthwhile overview of the events going on around Chicago over the next week. Among the typical concerts (Josh Groban) and book readings, I saw one event that immediately caught my attention -- "World Breastfeeding Month Celebration" at the Lincoln Park Zoo on Saturday. Since I can't find a link on the Tribune website for this, I will provide the Trib's analysis of the event:

"The Chicago Breastfeeding Taskforce celebrates this glorious month with a day of activities designed to promote the importance of mom's milk. Enjoy raffles, games and refreshments(!) while talking to representatives of local health departments, hospitals and community organizations about the benefits of breastfeeding."

It had to be a joke. "Games" and "refreshments" to support breastfeeding at the Zoo? Since children are likely reading this website, I won't spell out some of the thoughts that went through my mind. Are there races? Taste testing? You get the picture.

After spending hours doing research (well, twenty seconds thanks to Google), I discovered that this is in fact a legitimate event. According to the Chicago Breastfeeding Taskforce's website, August's event is just one of the many monthly events that the organization plans to support breastfeeding. Some of the organization's other events:

Herbs and Breastfeeding
Freedom to Breastfeed
Breastfeeding and the Holidays

Unfortunately, I won't be able to make it to Saturday's celebration at the Zoo. If any of you are able to attend, pick up some refreshments for me. And I want to thank the Tribune for listing this as one of the 'must attend' events in Chicago for the weekend.

Lunch with God.

2004-08-05T10:10:00.000-05:00

One of my morning rituals (after hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock six times, trying to find two matching socks, and stopping at Jamba Juice for a yummy over-priced smoothie) is to check my Hotmail e-mail account. Even though I check e-mail right before bed, and every 5 minutes during the day, I am convinced that someone will have sent me something very important in the last seven hours. As with any typical day, all my new e-mail was sent to my junk mail folder, meaning none of my contacts felt like writing me at 3 a.m. Since I anxiously await for the day my 8th grade sweetheart will find my email address and write me, I always skim through the junk mail folder (which averages 125 messages a day).

This morning, among the other junk e-mails for cheap Viagra, Hot Teenage Girls, and Mortgage Refinancing (for the home I don't own), I saw the subject line "Lunch with God." Did God finally answer my prayers and agree to meet for lunch? Did he accept my appointment request on Outlook? Before I opened it, I thought to myself, where would I take God for lunch? I'm sure he wouldn't want anything too spicy or garlicky since I am sure his schedule is full of meetings, prayer sessions and divine interventions. Would he be a meat-and-potatoes type of guy (or girl - maybe God is female?) or maybe sushi? Since this could be his/her first trip to Chicago in a while, something local like Giordano's or Portillo's for some Italian beef would be best.

Before I made lunch reservations, I decided to read the e-mail. Much to my disappointment, it was a link to a joke. Not even a funny joke. Something about kids in a park. It's not even worth repeating. And suddenly, I was free for lunch.

World's Smallest Car

2004-08-03T15:15:00.000-05:00

Last week, while eating a Cold Stone creation, I saw a Smart Car on Wells Street. The car drew much attention while parked. I over heard comments like "I didn't know a car could be so small!" and "Can you really drive a car like than on the street?" While Smart Cars are all over Europe, I have never seen one in the U.S. before. According to the Smart Cars, website, Smart Cars won't be on-sale until 2006, so someone must have imported this one.

For those of you unfamiliar with Smart Cars, they are the world's smallest car. It only has room for two relatively small people, and maybe a messenger bag. It is honestly no larger than a golf cart, yet has all the attributes of a regular car - like a roof, windows, car stereo. And the price is right.

Then I thought to myself, would I want to own a Smart Car? It's certainly a novelty, something to talk about with your friends. But size does matter - would I tired of having a car that would hold anything? It obviously has a small gas tank that would need to be refueled often.

There are advantages. The ability to perpendicularly (maybe it's word?) park the car on the streets of Chicago. Never again would a parking spot be too small. And since the engine is so small, the gas mileage would be great.

In the end, I decided size matters. Maybe I would rent a Smart Car for the weekend, or even a week, but I would only buy a full-size automobile.

You're (not) hired!

2004-08-03T11:30:00.000-05:00

Due to the fact my staff person is leaving the company, I have been spending several hours the past few days interviewing candidates as her possible replacement. Based on this eye-opening experience, here are a few of my interviewing tips:

If you have already left your last job, don't spend time telling me how great your job was when asked "why did you decide to leave your last job." You obviously quit or were fired for a reason.
Spending the first five minutes of the interview telling me how you were "hot and sweaty" because you were running around downtown looking for a Kinko's to print out your resume right before the interview is not a good way to make a good first impression.
Future career goals should be more detailed than "whatever the market needs."
Don't tell me you are looking for "work-life balance" when you worked 9-5, five days a week in your previous job.
If you are taking a candidate for lunch during an interview, resist all temptation to go to a sushi restaurant. Especially if using chopsticks is not in your skill set. Nothing says class like watching a piece of raw tuna do a mid-air somersault into a bowl of a soy sauce.

Show me your ...

2004-08-02T10:31:00.000-05:00

Two flying-related stories are in the headlines today:

What not to wear (when flying).

Words not to write while on an airplane.

Krupnik, Fireworks and Marionnettes

2004-08-01T17:34:00.000-05:00

On Friday night, after a nice dinner at a Tapas restaurant, I went to a going-away party for a friend's co-worker. The host has lived and worked in Chicago for the past two years, on a exchange from Poland. We were served Krupnik, a Polish honey liquer. Apparently the host assumed that we were 'big' drinkers as she pours us half-full plastic cups of this stuff. Even upon sniffing it I was getting drunk. At first, Krupnik tasted sweet, until it hit your throat, when my throat began burning, and I could feel the flames work their way down into my stomach. After nearly finishing the cup out of respect of for the host, I took a look at the bottle. It was 80 proof - the same alcohol content as Jack Daniel's whiskey. Saturday was a painful morning for me...

Since I did not see fireworks this past July 4th for the first time since I was 3 years old, I went with some friends down to the Venetian Night on Chicago's Lakefront. I must say, it was a pretty darn good fireworks display. It was synchronized to music, though the $9.95 Radio Shack speakers attached to the light poles to broadcast the soundtrack really didn't make it more than five feet into the crowd. Aside from the poor sound, it was a great evening, only to be capped off with dessert at the Signature Lounge on the 96th floor of the John Hancock looking over the city lights.

Thought Fahrenheit 9-11 was the last of the political films before the November presidential election? Nope. Marionnettes have a starring role in "Team America: World Police" from the creators of Matt Stone and Trey Parker, creators of "South Park." (which, by the way, is in its eighth season.)

Roughing it at the Hilton: No wonder Nick Carter broke up with Paris after making her match her outfit with black and blue. (Editorial Note: As previously mentioned, I am not fond of Paris Hilton. However, anytime that she looks like a fool, I will be happy to report it here.)

Going Postal

2004-07-30T13:06:00.000-05:00

Ah, it's good to be back in Chicago. One of my rituals after returning home from a long trip is going to pick up my held mail from the Post Office. That would be an easy task in most towns, but in Chicago, it's an adventure. First of all, the post office where I pick up my mail is not really a post office, but a postal sorting facility, that is conveniently open for just 3 1/2 hours, Monday - Friday. And in Chicago fashion, there's no parking but street parking. Fortunately, I was able to find parking with ease this morning, only to find a lady in the lobby yelling at the postal clerk. From what I could gather from the lady's raspy, cigarette-infused voice, the mailman refused to deliver her mail because of her dog. The evil, flesh-thirsty dog would madly bark when the uniformed postal employee would approach the front door, and if it were to happen again, the lady was informed that she would be required to obtain a post office box if she EVER wanted to see her mail again. What kind of dog does this lady own, you ask? A cocker spaniel.

After the canine capers, I proceeded across Clark Street to the oddly placed Best Buy to rectify my iPod situation (see yesterday's post). I'll be honest, I love Best Buy. Just about anything with a plug in my house was purchased there. Aside from their low prices and wide selection of products, I appreciate their return policy when you purchase the service plan. While some people think it's a waste of money, I find it to be an investment in future technology. Anyway, brought my iPod into Best Buy, told them about the battery issue, member of the Geek Squad played around with it for a minute, told me that since the model I had was no longer sold, he would give me the new, improved, fourth generation iPod, with more memory and a longer battery life. Can you see the smile on my face? And, it was fully covered until the warranty.

It's great to be back in Chicago. I was reminded of that on my way to work this morning (well, late morning) when I heard the familiar sound of someone shouting into their cell phone while on the L, explaining to the person the other end of the phone that "I am on the train, so I can barely hear you. Please speak LOUDER." What a warm welcome home.

It's Time to Fly.

2004-07-29T14:32:00.000-05:00

Well, I am back at home in Chicago from my Dutch adventures, with a suitcase full of dirty clothes. Thanks to United Airlines, I was upgraded to business class for my 8 1/2 hour flight home. Unfortunately, that also means lots of free alcohol. How can I turn down the glass of champagne that greeted me upon boarding? Or the bottomless glass of chardonnay Or the glass of port with dessert. Three hours into the flight, while everyone else was either sleeping or watching some overrated Brad Pitt film, I was drunk, going to the bathroom every 15 minutes. Fortunately, that finally turned into just a pounding headache, that finally went away with about an hour left in the flight.

Despite my in-flight abuse of alcohol, I couldn't fall asleep. Fortunately, I had my iPod with me. I love my iPod. They're great - holds 15 MB of music, over a week's worth of different songs. Even though I had fully charged myPod the night before, it died after just over four hours of use. So, I listened to "United Pop 40" featuring the 'new' music of Lionel Richie. Kill me now.

Speaking of airports, they are now shopping malls, especially in Europe. It makes sense - you have a captive audience who really have no choice but to look around the stores while waiting for their flights. But who is at the airport and says "wow, there's that Rolex I have been looking for" and spends $5,000 on the spot? Sure, there is the occasionally person who splurges, but I saw more $10,000 (8,000 euro) watches at Schipol (Amsterdam airport) than at most jewelry stores. Le bling-bling.

Here Kitty, Kitty

2004-07-28T08:31:00.000-05:00

He's back! After waiting tables and doing 1-800-COLLECT commercials for the last decade, our furry extraterrestrial friend, Alf, appears to be making a real comeback. Move over Omarosa, Alf has already signed a deal for his own talk show. Starting in October, I know what I will be watching...

Back to the U.S. of A.

2004-07-28T01:55:00.000-05:00

Today is my last day in Europe. I have spent the past two weeks in The Netherlands at my company's European headquarters. Overall, it's been a good trip, and aside from spending nearly 18 hours a day with my co-workers, I have relatively few complaints.

On the humorous side of things, I am staying in room 420 at the hotel this week. Quite the irony, right? If you see no irony in that, you are not alone. Neither did a good friend of mine. Here's the explanation I gave her.

Europeans really do not like George Bush. I received more than one apology for having him "appointed" as my president. And they knew that the Democratic National Convention was going on. Would I ever know if Holland was having an election?

Since I enjoy a variety of different cuisines, I generally adapt pretty well to eating food in different countries (have I ever had a problem finding food to eat?). The only food that seems to be distinctly Dutch is deep-fried meat products.    I am not sure what the exact ingredients were, but I believe I ate a deep-fried meatball for lunch yesterday.   How I long for the high-quality foods in the U.S. like hot dogs and bologna.

Everyone who works in an office The Netherlands has to have a window in their office, by law.  Apparently natural sunlight is a guaranteed right here. Obviously, that's not the case in the U.S. or the building where my office is located, the Merchandise Mart, would never have been built.

On an unrelated note, those darn gays are now invading the longest running prime-time cartoon show, The Simpsons. Is Homer going to leave Marge for Ned Flanders?   We must wait until January...

Delivering a dozen

2004-07-27T09:32:00.000-05:00

"Roses" by OutKast is a great song. After the catchy, though way over-played "Hey Ya!", "Roses" is a fun, follow-up release. While I don't consider myself a hip-hop fan, OutKast has a distinctive, fun sound. For those of you who have heard the song, the refrain goes

I know you'd like to thank your shit don't stank

But lean a little bit closer

See that roses really smell like poo-poo, poo

Yeah, roses really smell like poo-poo, poo

My best friend Kim and I have turned "roses" into our code word for "poo, poo, poo." It sounds much cleaner than "taking a dump" or "dropping the kids off at the pool." Of course, now there is a poem attached to bathroom time:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I just got out of bed
So I'm taking a poo.

Yes, I am 12 years old, thank you very much.

So, don't call them capris ...

2004-07-27T08:25:00.000-05:00

Apparently, my blog posting on capris has created quite a stir, mostly by those who said they would never speak with me again if I wore capris. I suppose I should hide the two pairs I purchased in France....

Why the outrage? Why is it okay in Europe for men to wear 3/4rd length pants, but apparently a social taboo in the U.S.? Personally, there are plenty of men who should wear capri pants rather than the too-short shorts that show off their ugly legs all over town.

Maybe it's the name. Capri does sound very feminine, likes those long, skinny cigarettes that pseudo-sophisticated women smoke. Three-quarters-length pants is too cumbersome. Some options:

In-betweens
Messenger Pants (those are they only guys in the States who can legally wear them without a public beating)
NotQuites
Y-Nots ... why shouldn't you wear them?

I Love the 90's?

2004-07-27T04:13:00.000-05:00

Wham. Pat Benetar. Devo. Air Supply. Katrina and the Waves. The wonderful world of 80's music. I admit it - I love 80's music. And when you say 80's music, almost everyone knows what you mean. Sure, there was some punk rock, and glam rock, but it that was a part of the 80's music phenomenon, much like disco defined the 70's. In addition to the music, the economic boom of the 80's translated it into be the "me" decade, which prompted lots of wealth creation and consumerism (the economist in me rears its ugly head occasionally - sorry). Remember the "Material Girl?"

Four years after the close of the decade, VH1 has already produced several episodes of "I Love the 90's". What artists are featured? How about Cypress Hill, Garth Brooks, Nirvana, Celine Dion, and Brittney Spears? Yep. See any similarities between their music? Nope, me neither. I can't deny that there was some great music made in the 90's, especially with the emergence of the Seattle grunge scene the introduction of the passionate, emotional, female vocalist (Tori Amos' Little Earthquakes is still one of my favorite albums). The key word to describe 90's music is eclectic. There is no common sound to the 90's, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. Some listened to grunge. Some to country. Some to boy bands (yes, Hanson counts). Unlike the 80's, which has spawned dedicated dance nights at clubs across the country, I don't see the same thing happening with 90's music.

Maybe I am in denial because I feel like the 90's weren't that long ago and to remember them as a 'decade in history' means I am somehow old. Maybe it's because my friends and I were so obsessed with 80's music during our high school and college years in the 90's that the Billboard 80's collection (1983 rules!) were played more often in our car stereos than Arrested Development or Hootie and the Blowfish.

Long live the 1990's. It was a great decade, though don't trivialize the music of the decade by calling it all 90's music.

BlackBerry Nation

2004-07-26T03:46:00.000-05:00

"BlackBerry Nation--where junior high never stops" - Chicago Tribune Columnist Eric Zorn in his blog.

The ability to access e-mail, anywhere, anytime is powerful. But in the middle of a business meeting? A formal dinner? Does this mean we are never supposed to have time off? Or can we just send messages across the table to commiserate about a boring business meeting.

Emily Post - we need some BlackBerry/PDA/Mobile Phone etiquette!

Box of Rocks

2004-07-25T15:01:00.000-05:00

I spent the weekend in Nice, France during my two-week European trip. Based on my grandiose ideas of the French Riveria, I had high expectations. No one told me that the beach is not made of sand, but rocks. Yes, rocks. Not even little stones, but rocks you can throw and break your neighbor's windows. And, unlike the sprawling beaches I have visited elsewhere, the beaches in Nice are about 20 feet wide - from the pedestrian sidewalk to the water. Despite the lack of sand, the water was a beautiful blue, and the weather was great (until the rain showers at 4 in the afternoon).

Some random observations:

Tops are optional for women on beaches in France. Unfortunately, optional applies primarily to those over the age of 50 and overweight.
Capri pants are the 'in' thing for men of all ages to wear. Not quite in the U.S.
How are the French not the fattest people in the world? All the Atkins-busting, though oh-so-good baquettes, fresh butter, and whipped cream you could ever want, yet most of the French I saw (well, aside from the women at the beach) were thin. I need to move here.
Glass of Wine - 2 Euros. Bottle of Coke - 3 Euros. Bottle of Water - 5 Euros.
I know why some Americans think the French smell - they don't know how to shower. The shower in my hotel room consisted of a bath tub with a small hand-held shower head that reminded me of the faucet that hair stylists use to wash your hair at a salon. With so little water coming out with hardly any water pressure, who would want to spend more that two minutes dealing with that.

And you're a celebrity?

2004-07-23T05:06:00.000-05:00

Omarosa as a talk show host? Since her name is so long ("The Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth Show" is a bit cumbersome), I suggest "The Stupid, Lying Bitch Blab Hour." I can't think of anything more painful to watch. How I long for the days of the "Donnie and Marie Show."

After reading about Omarosa's next possible career move, and passively watching an MTV show about the Hilton sisters (I am in Europe and aside from CNN, MTV is the only other channel broadcast in English), I thought to myself, why do I want to hear about them?

They are fake celebrities -- people who seem to have no apparent talent aside from being famous. US Weekly and Star magazine love them, as do apparently million of Americans who follow their every move. It even keeps Billy Bush employed on Access Hollywood.

Here's my list of the top 5 non-celebrity celebrities:

1. Omarosa - She was fired twice from The Apprentice!
2. Paris Hilton - yeah, she's rich and likes to party. Why should I care?
3. Nicole Richie - see above.
4. Pamela Anderson - Great, you have big boobs and had dirty sex with Tommy Lee. Now what do you want?
5. And not to just pick on the women, Gary Coleman. Diff'rent Strokes was funny, 20 years ago. Get a real life.

Numero Uno / Number One

2004-07-22T09:44:00.000-05:00

A Blog. Yes, I am starting a blog. After secretly reading several blogs almost obsessively, I decided it was time for me to join the already overcrowded blog market. Maybe this blog will cause blogging to jump the shark. Let's hope not.

About the name...
For those of you unfamilar with 19th century American literature, Bartleby is a fascinating character from a Herman Melville short story aptly titled, "Bartleby, the Scrivener: A Story of Wall-street." As a scrivener, which is a person who duplicates legal documents, Bartleby is stuck in a monotonous job that caters to the wealthy (e.g. lawyers and their clients). One day, Bartley decides to refuse to work, and responds "I would prefer not to" his boss' requests. This act of disobedience continues until Bartleby refuses to leave the office premises and is hauled off to jail for trespassing. You should read the story to find out what happens.

Why did I pick it?
Whether it's at work, with family or friends, or other times in my live that some things seem so tedious and boring, that Bartleby's infamous phrase "I would prefer not to" comes to mind. While I certainly don't have anywhere near the drastic intentions that ended up causing the end of Bartleby (please, no interventions!), I decided to funnel some my untapped creative energy into ramblings on the web. So, instead of taking cigarette breaks (since I don't smoke), or searching the internet (okay, I will still do that), I will be using this blog as my procrasination/motivation tool.

What do I plan to post here?
Random thoughts, interesting things I read or hear, life's observations, social criticisms, movie reviews, location of weapons of mass destruction, etc. Pretty much anything that's on my mind while I am writing.

Go ahead, read all you want. I'll probably write more.